The Godly Magical Unmoving Elevator
by Blue Panda
Summary: House is trapped in an elevator trying to take over PPTH This story was inspired by the unmoving elevators on HOUSE that have the illusion of moving but aren't moving but you think their moving but they fooled you because they really aren't moving. R
1. Never Trust Hospital Elevators

**A/N:** _"Hello Sick people…and there loves ones…" Hello this is my first House fanfic. I normally write for Lost. If you are familiar with my work (Hanso foundation SMJ FORCE, Survivor: The Lost Island, and The Attack of the Killer Eyebrows) then you know that I write random humorous stuff. Nothing is taken seriously. Hope you enjoy the story._

_Cuddy and Wilson were standing in the lobby talking about the cafeteria's new pudding when house walked in._

**Cuddy**: Hello Hou- WHAT THE CRAP IS ON YOUR FACE!

**House:** I know, I know, I'm the sexiest looking hottie that you've ever seen.

**Wilson:** uhhhhhhh…

_Cameron walks in_

**Cameron:** WHOA! You're HOT!

**House:** Thanks, I knew that growing a gotee over night like Jack Sparrow was a great idea….Welcome to the Caribbean love!

**Cuddy:** Shave it off NOW House.

**House:** Shave your face off mommy

**Cuddy**: NOW! And do it in your office

**House:** You mean the bathroom…

**Cuddy:** No your office. I don't want your facial hair to plugging up the drains

**House:** Screw you.

_House walks to the elevator, so he can get to his office, to start playing pokemon sewage purple._

_Forman then walks in front of House putting out his hand and singing-_

**Forman:** Stop in the name of love. Before you break my heart.

_House then looks at him and hits Forman with his cane and proceeds into the elevator._

_Chase then walks by_

**Chase:** This pudding sucks! Oh hi Forman why are you on the ground?

_Meanwhile in the elevator._

**House:** This is the day that you almost caught Captain House Sparrow!

**Elevator:** Stop in the name of love. Before you break my heart.

**House: **SHUT UP!

_House continuously hits the elevator with his cane._

**Elevator:** Teriyaki!

**God of the Elevators:** You didn't say you sorry for hitting the elevator. TIMES UP. You're a marked man House Sparrow. You will remain in this elevator forever…

**House:** Crap…hey look a nickel!

TO BE CONTINUED…

Dedications for this story goes to the unmoving elevators in HOUSE MD that never really move but look like they move because of the corny lights that move behind the unmoving cheap elevator window…ya I pay attention to this stuff…


	2. That Evil Oatmeal Man

**A/N:** _"Get out of your holes people" Hello, I would like to say sorry for misspelling foreman's name…I forgot the E._

**House:** Crap…hey look a nickel.

**Voice:** Back off! That's my property!

_House looks over to see a rocket launcher in his face._

**House:** Son of a bad word

**Voice:** Ya that's right, put the nickel down and no one will gets hurt.

_The mysterious figure puts down the rocket launcher to reveal who he really is…_

**House:** You're….a….

_Meanwhile outside the elevator_

**Wilson:** I think I'll have diarrhea from this pudding

**Chase:** I think it is diarrhea...certainly smells like it

**Cuddy**: Can we please stop insulting the poor pudding's feelings

**Cameron:** Puddings have feelings?

**Foreman:** I think House ruptured my spleen…god it hurts

_Suddenly they smell something bad_

**Cameron:** Woo Wee either that or you've got gas! Man that's bad!

_Back to the elevator_

**House:** You're…a…HOT DOG

**Evil Hot Dog:** Hey man I didn't judge your skinny ass when I first saw you!

_House picked up his cane and smashed the Hot Dog; he then picked it up and ate it._

**House:** Spicy

**Elevator:** Turn around

**House:** What are you going to shoot me with a bazooka?

_House gave in and turned around_

_He then saw the guy from the oatmeal box on the elevator door he was eliminated_

**Elevator: **This is what I shall look like, so get use to it.

_House stares at it with is mouth open_

**Elevator:** You've been stuck in here for 30 minutes and haven't freaked out yet…so now you will pay

_The elevator snaps his elevator fingers_

_Outside the elevator_

**Cuddy:** Wooo I feel woozy

**Chase:** you Ok?

**Cuddy:** ROAARRRRRRR!

_Cuddy grew 20 times here size. She could breathe fire and her high heels are a weapon of mass destruction._

**Chase:** the elevator

**Elevator:** Hear that that's the sound of your life burning down. Not only are you trapped but Cuddy is a Monster.

**House:** Hmmm…I wouldn't know the difference.

**Elevator:** Oh yes you will…………………………………………

To be continued…


	3. Super Who?

**A/N:** _"Your hair is adorable I can't denied that…" Hello, I recently bought the second season of House on DVD…I love the bloopers. My friends told me that House was lame. I MADE them watch ONE episode yesterday and man were they asking for more. We ended up watching four episodes. Anyways enjoy chapter three. _

**Elevator:** Oh yes you will……………………………………………

_Meanwhile outside the elevator_

**Cameron:** AHHHHHHHH! RUN RUN AWAY!

**Foreman:** psycho killer (something in French) f f f far f f f f far far better run run run run run run run away ohhh oh oh oh…(talking heads)

**Wilson:** Shut up!

_Wilson punches Foreman in the face._

_Chase was running around in circles not knowing what to do._

**Chase:** AWWWWW EVIL CUDDY RUN RUN RUN! What are you doing on the floor again Foreman?

_In the elevator_

**House:** Hmmm sounds like mommy is PMSing or something.

**Elevator:** No I turned her into a monster.

**House:** Like I said before I wouldn't know the difference

**Elevator:** I programmed her to destroy this hospital, then to destroy you.

**House:** Wooo I'm scared….were the hell did a Hot Dog get a rocket launcher.

**Elevator:** Were the hell did you get your hideous face?

_House hits the elevator with his cane….again_

**Elevator:** Sweet and Sour Sauce!

**House:** Yo ho yo ho and a bottle of vicodin a pirates/doctors life for me.

_House suddenly heard something weird and then the sound stopped._

_Outside the elevator_

**Chase:** Boy I feel weird…Why am I feeling muscular and wearing underwear outside my pants?

**Theme song:**

Oh he's super chase with his graceful hair. He's super chase get ready to race around the world he can defeat that Evil Cuddy the uncuddly monster. WOOOO WOOO WOO (I'm not a song writer)

**Chase: **SUPER CHASE!

**Cuddy the Uncuddly Monster:** Me no like you me destroy you with my girly High Heels!

**Chase:** Well I'll destroy you with my awesome hair power.

**Cuddy the Uncuddly Monster**: Plummers are HOT!

**Chase:** Ozzy powers!

_They both collided and blew up._

_In the elevator_

**House:** Wooo that didn't sound good.

_The elevator shoots out one of the buttons that you push at house._

**House:** I don't think I deserved that.

**Elevator:** That Hot Ozzy destroyed my monster you idiot…

_Then out of no were Cuddy and Chase were in the elevator, in their normal forms._

**Chase:** How'd we get in here?

**Cuddy:** HOUSE! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!….WHY ISN'T THAT GOTEE SHAVED OFF…WHY IS THERE A ROCKET LANCHER IN HERE!

**House:** I'm right you are PMSing.

_To be continued…_


	4. Eye of the Tiger

**A/N**_ "Candy canes…are you mocking me?" Hello to all. I'm looking forward to the 3rd season premiere of House. All my friends are jumping up and down for it….then for Survivor…and then finally for Lost. I hope House's sarcasm continues into third season. Rumors say that he will no longer have his cane. Sniff, sniff. I'll miss that cane I guess this means that House doesn't die. Or else it will be called Wilson MD or Cuddy MD. Or best yet Chase MD…This Tuesday on the season premiere of CHASE MD at 8 PM…House dies so now it will be called Chase MD…or not…_

**House:** I'm right you are PMSing.

**Cuddy: **What?

**House:** You're crabby…sooo…you're PMSing.

**Cuddy**: Well sorry if I'm a bit confused about all the weird things that have been going on…THAT YOU CAUSED!

**House**: I didn't create an evil elevator that does mean things mommy!

**Chase: **At least you're not pregnant…that would be bad…stuck in an elevator with a pregnant cuddy

_POOF_

**House:** Crap! What the **_"fudge"_** did you do Chase she's like nine months pregnant

**Chase:** ….I didn't touch her….

**Cuddy:** uhhhhhhhhhhh….

**House:** BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! I really hate this magical voodoo elevator.

**Elevator:** Ha ha ha ha now he's really miserable!

**Chase:** Look on the bright side at least she's not having the kid right?

_POOF_

_House walks to the side of the elevator and then starts pounding his head against the elevator wall_

_Bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk_

**House:** You're fired Chase…

_House blacks out, then falls to the ground_

**Cuddy:** uhhhh…Chase?

**Chase:** You've got to be kidding me!

**Cuddy:** I need you….like now….

**Chase:** ….

**Elevator:** Now that things are just perfect in here lets screw with things outside!

_Outside the elevator_

**Wilson**: I'm sorry Mrs. Goofburger but you face….it just exploded

**Mrs. Goofburger**: NOOOOOOO I would've noticed!

**Wilson:** This is coming from an oncologist but that's my diagnosis…even know I'm not certified to diagnose your exploded face…

_POOF_

**Wilson:** Me Wilson want to fight!

_Wilson punches the widows of the exam room and screams random things in a language I don't even know._

**Mrs. Goofburger**: If me and my exploded face didn't know any better I must say he is a wrestler in need of an asylums attention.

**Wilson**: Boogie woogie woogie cheese sticks!

_Cameron walks in_

**Wilson:** AWWWWW Me want to fight to save the love of my life!

_Wilson picks up Cameron and runs into a IV post and is knocked unconscious_

**Cameron:** I'm obviously hallucinating and need immediate medical attention…NOW

_Cameron runs away_.

**Mrs. Goofbuger**: Wow I didn't now that Rocky 197 would come out so soon! Weeeeee freeee movie!

_Back in the elevator_

**Chase:** Congratulations…you have a baby….hot dog…

_House suddenly wakes up from his unconsciousness picks up the rocked launcher and shoots the Hot Dog. The goes back to being unconscious._

**Cuddy:** BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

**Chase:** I need to get out of here.

_Chase walks over to the elevator wall and starts to hit his head against it._

_Bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk_

**Chase:** my hair hurts…

_Chase is now unconscious_

**Cuddy:** I don't know why but I have a strange feeling that Wilson just destroyed the clinic…why would I think that…must be on something…that House gave me…

**Police Man**: Wilson you are under arrest for destroying the clinic you have the right to remain silent anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law.

_To be continued…_

**A/N:** _Did any one see the preview of yet another rocky movie? Oh ya I really can read your rights to you and arrest someone…thanks to Law and Order and other cop shows… _


	5. Hasselholf VS House

**A/N: **_"What are we, 8? Can an 8 year old do this (makes a bizarre face)" Hello. ONE MORE DAY till the season premiere of HOUSE and the release of the 2nd season DVD of LOST! YESSSSSS….and two more days till my school starts….sniff sniff. DR. HOUSE AND DR. JACK IN ONE DAY!_

**Police Man**: Wilson you are under arrest for destroying the clinic you have the right to remain silent anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law.

_In the Elevator_

**House:** My head! My leg!

_House looks though his pockets for his vicodin_

**House:** Where the hell is my vicodin? YOU!

**Cuddy:** Me? Hell no!

**House:** YOU!

**Chase:**………….

**House:** Wait he's still unconscious …Cuddy Give me my pills now!

**Cuddy:** I don't have them!

**Elevator:** Chill out you ass, I have them and you won't get them back till you pass a test of mine!

**House:** You crazy son of a bad word (big and rich). Give them back!

**Elevator:** No.

_SNAP_

**House:** Where the hell am I….why am I wearing a swim suit…why are there people running in slow motion? Whey are they cheesy looking? NOOOOOOO its its its David Hasselholf!

**Elevator:** He he he mwhahahahah

_SNAP_

**House:** I'm in the elevator again?

**David Hasselholf**: uhhh this isn't a beach……………………….hello ugly person I'm hot and a terrible actor as a lousy lifeguard do you need saving?

_House hits him with his cane_

**House: **Stupid idiot!

**Elevator:** That's not how it works…

**House:** What's not supposed to work you bum fluff!

**Elevator:** He was supposed to be indestructible…

_House looks down at the unconscious Hasselholf…He then continuously hits him with his cane again_

_Doink doink doink doink doink doink doink doink doink_

**Elevator:** Fine you made me have no choice

_SNAP_

**House:** I'm on top of the elevator. Where are Chase and Mommy?

**Elevator:** He he he. Here is where my "Plane B" test comes in…you have a knife, now make a taco with it! Then give it to Hasselholf who is still in the elevator!

**House:** That's stupid why not I do this

_House jumps off the elevator on to a shaft he then throws the knife as if they were Locke's knifes (LOST) and hits the cable, the elevator then starts to fall._

**Elevator:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**House:** I guess there will be no more Baywatch……lets pretend I care…sniff sniff sniff...Ok I'm done.

**Godly Elevator Voice:** I'll get you House! You and this hospital are still in danger.

**House:** Moran I'm not in the elevator that means that you have no control of me!

**Godly Elevator Voice:** Ha ha ha ha that's where you're wrong…………..

_The surrounding became all white_

**Godly Elevator Voice:** I'm your worse nightmare…at least I will be

_The Godly Magical Unmoving Elevator Instructor came out from the light to reveal he/she/itself…_

**House:** Oh my God!

_House's vicodin rolls to him…_

_To be continued…_

**A/N:** _Hey thanks to all of my reviewers! There are a few more chapters left. I'm thinking of a sequel…it will be about the staircases that stops suddenly but seem to continue forever….you know the one that you see on the set tours…you think they go somewhere but they don't…there is no way you can get out of the hospital….I don't have a title yet but tell me if you guys would be interested. Again this story has a few more chapters left so don't panic but tell me if you like the idea or if you have requests…I love to here from you guys! _

_Oh yes and The Crocodile Hunter lives on…He was my childhood Hero I used to be obsessed with him…it hurts to hear that he died…. _


	6. Want a Milk Shake?

A/N: I thought I'd put an end to one of my first fics. I love you elevator.

House: Mr. Crabs!!!!!!!!!!!

Crabs: he he he I thought if I get my name into a story on fanfiction that more people would come to the crusty crab to get crabby patties.

House: oh…ok then…so what happens next.

Crabs: I don't know want a milk shake?

House: Ok.

THE END


End file.
